Casino Royale ****

Casino Royale is the awesomest James Bond movie ever. I have seen like 10 of them so far and Goldeneye and Gold finger were the two best ones i thought. I was a little skeptical about this one since it did not have gold in the title and they got rid of remington steele. mr steele looked fat and old in the matador so i guess thats why they got rid of him. My mom always liked that show, but I thought it was kinda repetitive so I did nto care much when they got rid of mr steele. I looked up the new guy and he was in layer cake, which i thought was kinda boring. this movie is wya not boring. at the very beginning layer cake is in black and white and fights super loud and awesome in a bathroom then he chases after some guy for like days and never gets tired, even though he breaks through walls and jumps and runs and spins and dodges bullets. and! right after that he has to go on two crazy missions in a row with guns and bombs and american police, which is crazy for him because layer cake is british. I guess he got tired after all of this because then the movie slows down and he drives a way cool car after a stupid ford and some really old car. He kisses some girl all over like he always does and then plays cards for a long time. i am glad that lots of cool chases and explosions and guns happened before the cards and kissing because it all drags a little, but then it gets super cool and suspensful in between card playing. Plus a lot of times when Layer Cake and the girl are together, the audience laughed so you know this movie was funny too. Anyway cards is over thank god and the movie gets kinda confusing and feels like it ends boring and kissy. But it doesnt end! It keeps going and I was like will it ever stop but then it got cool again and I did not want it to stop ever. It finally ends super awesome and we realize layer cake as james bond is a lot more vioolent and killing than the people who played james bond before and the audience is happy about that because guns are cool but beating somebody with your fists is also cool.
I liked this movie a lot, but it did seem slow in parts and while i was watching it, someone was hitting my windshield with a baseball bat and now i have to get a new one which made me sad. I wish I had some of layer cake's guns with silencers to shoot the windshield people with. Until I get some though I will just watch this movie again and again and pretend those guys are the people getting shot.

The Break -Up ***1/2

I liked this movie and thought it was funny. my girl hated it and said it was sad. it has the good guy from dodge ball and wedding crashers and it has the guy who he was with in swingers and made, which were both awesome movies. so this movie has gotta be awesome too. It also has one of the chicks from friends in it. So friends and dodge ball are a couple and dodge ball only buys a couple of lemons one day when he is supposed to buy more and he wants to watch sports instead of set the table or something so his girl breaks up with him. they have a really good apartment apparently so neither one wants to move out. they stay together for everything like bowling night and game night with their friends, but they are broken up and they keep yelling at each other randomly. they divide the apartment and kinda try to get the other person out, but not stupid like duplex which i hated. anyway dodge ball says lots of funny things, but in his dodge ball way so you miss where to laugh if you dont really like his jokes normally. When he is with his swingers friend he is especially funny, but not as much as he was in swingers or made. One good thing happens when they go to see The Old 97's and they sing that time bomb in my mind mom song which is fun, but it is also a sad scene at the same time. So SOME people dont like this movie because they see funy and sad things next to each other and only end up sad and then the ending pushes them over the edge. I did not think the end was sad if you listen to what dodge ball and friends are saying through the whole thing and know when to laugh. The ending seemed proper to me because no one can live in the same place forever on purpose.
This movie wasnt as funny as swingers or made and it made my girl sadder than happy. dodgeball and friends are always talking about what they dont like in the other person and i do not know why they did not just stop talking to each other. there is a gay guy from best in show in this film. if it had been funnier i would have laughed more and so would everyone else so I only give it 3.5 stars.
You should watch all of dodgeballs other funny movies if you liked this movie.

Returner**

This movie was real cool in places because it takes the Terminator and Matrix and returns them to Japan where I guess they came from. Then this girl comes and the Returner shoots her while he is in this big gun battle with a blond asian. So the Returner returns her back to his house for some ramen noodles which he loves. The girl tells him that she is from the future but she is not dressed like it. She came back to stop aliens from taking over the wolrd but there is no John Connor. The Returner returns her to a department store so she will look less unfuturistic, but he fails. She walks around putting bombs on everyone's necks, which the Returner can't return to her, and they go off to look for the blond asian. They show saome crazy Starship Trooper battles in the future and then the Returner and his new girlfriend almost kill the green ET. Have you ever seen a John Woo movie from Hong Kong? I have and so did the people in this film. One time I found a Woo DVD real cheap at a Gamestop and I bought it because I have one of those cards they sell. I fell asleep, but I imagine that they had more huge gun battles and some with aliens and Jesus came and healed the green ET and destroyed the bad aliens and gave the Returner an endless supply of ramen noodles because he likes them then Jesus put the blond asian on the TV and he cried because he was bad.

Dreamcatcher **

Dreamcatcher is only awful because it is two or three different films smashed together with a hammer. Think of half of Stand By Me then just when you get into the story and the characters, a demented projectionist whips out a real of all the battles from Starship Troopers. Nothing is explained for awhile, then Morgan Freeman comes out and says a bunch of stuff really fast which supposedly explains why Starship Troopers started. He suddenly gets thrown into Crimson Tide and you can tell he does not care about the movie anymore or maybe he never did. Then more Starship Troopers battles and it is over.

Envy ***

This movie is a lot funnier than everyone said it was. Jack Black and Ben work at the same place that makes something. Jack is not as good or important as Ben, but one day he invents some spray that makes poo disappear into thin air called Vapoorize. He offers to give half to Ben, but he says no, and Jack becomes rich. He still lives right across the street from Ben though. So Ben gets jealous, and does something to Jack's stuff, and then he meets the guy from Suicide Kings and Pulp Ficiton who had the watch up his butt. He helps him cover it up, and he is the funniest part of the movie but not even in the commercials. They get into some adventures that are almost as great as I Love Lucy stuff. If you like that kind of thing, then you might laugh a couple of times during the middle of this movie.

There is some guy who sings songs throughout the movie, and the songs are about the movie sort of like Something About Mary, but not always, because the Four Tops sing in French or Italian or something once. The DVD makes it sound like there is a featurette about the movie, but there is a just a page of words to read, and I stopped it. So I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars because it is very funny, but sort of predictable in places and a little too wacky someimtes.

The Incredibles ****

Coach was a pretty good show, and Dauber and Luther were hilarious. Coach is the dad in the Incredibles, Luther and Dauber are nowhere to be found. At first Coach and his wife aren't married and people drive around in Dick Tracy cars. Coach is a superhero named Mr. Incredible and he gets sued by someone he was trying to save. He must no longer be a superhero because of this which is uncool. He should have sued the guy back for making him lose his job. He has to get married since he no longer has a job, and they have kids who have super powers too. The rest of the movie is like Spy Kids 4 but better. There is a huge adventure, and I wish I had super powers when I was in school. Banky form Chasing Amy is in this movie too as a voice, but I will not tell you who or it would spoil it. Everything is made on the computer by Pixar because the huge robotic spider thing would cost too much money to build in real life. The coolest thing about this DVD was the short about the baby Jack Jack on the second disc, but you can't watch it until you have seen the long film.
 
The ending introduces a new villain who is really stupid and sets up the film for a sequel. I hate the new villain more than brussel sprouts. I think a hero is only as good as its villain. If the villain is so stupid that I could beat him, then I do not want to watch someone else beat him. I think more family's like the Incredibles and the Cortezes should fight crime together. But I am not sure if there should be evil families too, although the people two houses down are all really mean to everyone, so maybe the evil groups already exist and the good ones need to be started. I give this move 4 out of 5 stars because it is really fun and exciting.
 
If you like this movie good. Also watch Spy Kids because it is kinda the same story, but with real life and computer life combined.

The Transporter ***

This movie was awesome! The guy from Snatch has a BMW that looks like some old person's car, but he drives it better than my grandpa would, he is legally blind. The Transporter takes things from place to place in his car really fast for money. In the beginning, there is an awesome chase where some foreign cops in Peugeots don't stand a chance against his tweaked fogey car. He has this cool thing I want to get where he pushes a button and the license plate changes so he can hide from the cops. This works because everyone has the same car as him because except for him and this hot asian chick they are old and foreign. He has to leave his awesome house because he looks in his package. He has all these rules and one is not to look. If he had not broken his own rules, he would still have an awesome house. I think this is the lesson. He can also fight really well. There was this one scene with axes which was Jackie Chan-tastic. There is this other part where he has grease all over him and wears bicycle pedals like sandals to keep his balance while all the goons slip. He kicks them in the face with metal and it is awesome. There could have been more driving, I cried when something bad happened to his rich old man car. The cover of the DVD is wierd too, because it looks like he is a dancer with guns or something, not the awesome driver that he is. Anyway this guy lives all by himself like me and has ramen noodles like me and one time soda saved his life.
 
Life should be like this movie. At some point people should realize that their jobs and stuff are not all there is to life, break some of their own rules, get a fine asian chick and take off on an adventure where they fight everyone but kill no one. Once they find love and finish their wandering adventure, they can maybe get more stuff and a new job if they still want to. Save some Ramen though if you do this, I never saw this guy eat after his house was gone. All the music except the Nate Dogg and Missy Elliott songs was boring or made by an orchestra, I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.
 
If you like this movie you should watch Snatch because it has Brad Pitt pretending to be foreign and The Transporter being foreign while people get killed but do not drive much of anywhere.

Small Time Crooks ****

I thought this movie would be about crooks who steal cookies. I was wrong instead it is about people who do not steal anything and have crazy relationships. It has Wody Allen in it, so I was sort of scared at first, but there are no young girls to get at in it just a bunch of old women. It has that guy from True Romance in it, he is not as good in this one. Everyone calls Woody Allen smart because he wears glasses, but he has to be taught how to be smart later by that guy from Mickey Blue Eyes who acts like he is not even in the mob in this movie. Later on he teaches everyone an important lesson that I don't remember right now. They forget about everyone who calls Woody smart at the beginning, even the True Romance guy, so I do not know what happened to them. Maybe there will be a sequel or a part 2. Some of their stories were probably really interesting too.
 
I like cookies, and the cherry cookies sound good because I have never had cookies with fruit in them except for oatmeal raisin. Are raisins really fruit though? They have a different name from grapes but everything else is dried whatever. There used to be prunes, but now they are dried plums. When will raisins get to be dried grapes. Since this movie raises thought provoking questions and made me laugh, I give it 4 out of 5 stars.
 
If you liked this movie, I would suggest watching more. I know I will.