The Transporter ***

This movie was awesome! The guy from Snatch has a BMW that looks like some old person's car, but he drives it better than my grandpa would, he is legally blind. The Transporter takes things from place to place in his car really fast for money. In the beginning, there is an awesome chase where some foreign cops in Peugeots don't stand a chance against his tweaked fogey car. He has this cool thing I want to get where he pushes a button and the license plate changes so he can hide from the cops. This works because everyone has the same car as him because except for him and this hot asian chick they are old and foreign. He has to leave his awesome house because he looks in his package. He has all these rules and one is not to look. If he had not broken his own rules, he would still have an awesome house. I think this is the lesson. He can also fight really well. There was this one scene with axes which was Jackie Chan-tastic. There is this other part where he has grease all over him and wears bicycle pedals like sandals to keep his balance while all the goons slip. He kicks them in the face with metal and it is awesome. There could have been more driving, I cried when something bad happened to his rich old man car. The cover of the DVD is wierd too, because it looks like he is a dancer with guns or something, not the awesome driver that he is. Anyway this guy lives all by himself like me and has ramen noodles like me and one time soda saved his life.
 
Life should be like this movie. At some point people should realize that their jobs and stuff are not all there is to life, break some of their own rules, get a fine asian chick and take off on an adventure where they fight everyone but kill no one. Once they find love and finish their wandering adventure, they can maybe get more stuff and a new job if they still want to. Save some Ramen though if you do this, I never saw this guy eat after his house was gone. All the music except the Nate Dogg and Missy Elliott songs was boring or made by an orchestra, I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.
 
If you like this movie you should watch Snatch because it has Brad Pitt pretending to be foreign and The Transporter being foreign while people get killed but do not drive much of anywhere.

Small Time Crooks ****

I thought this movie would be about crooks who steal cookies. I was wrong instead it is about people who do not steal anything and have crazy relationships. It has Wody Allen in it, so I was sort of scared at first, but there are no young girls to get at in it just a bunch of old women. It has that guy from True Romance in it, he is not as good in this one. Everyone calls Woody Allen smart because he wears glasses, but he has to be taught how to be smart later by that guy from Mickey Blue Eyes who acts like he is not even in the mob in this movie. Later on he teaches everyone an important lesson that I don't remember right now. They forget about everyone who calls Woody smart at the beginning, even the True Romance guy, so I do not know what happened to them. Maybe there will be a sequel or a part 2. Some of their stories were probably really interesting too.
 
I like cookies, and the cherry cookies sound good because I have never had cookies with fruit in them except for oatmeal raisin. Are raisins really fruit though? They have a different name from grapes but everything else is dried whatever. There used to be prunes, but now they are dried plums. When will raisins get to be dried grapes. Since this movie raises thought provoking questions and made me laugh, I give it 4 out of 5 stars.
 
If you liked this movie, I would suggest watching more. I know I will.